Some Facts…

1. I was born in the Lane Fox Unit of St Thomas Hospital, London.

2. I was the first baby to be born in that particular unit, but there have been more since. Many of the patients in that ward are on ventilators or in iron lungs. My mum was on a ventilator.

3. My Auntie was the first person to hold me. She’s the closest thing to a mum I’ve got.

4. My mum passed away when I was 4 and a half.

5. My dad remarried some 9 months later.

6. My stepmum already had a daughter, with cerebral palsy.

7. My younger sister was born when I was 7.

8. Roughly a year after she was born my stepmum started physically and emotionally abusing me. I suspect post natal depression.

9. When I was 14 I first tried to kill myself.

10. My disabled sister passed away when I was 16. Even though I detest her mother, I loved my sister to bits.

10. When I was 16, I fell in love with a chubby, sweet and caring alcoholic my own age. He gives the best cuddles in the entire world.

11. My parents forbade me to see him because they fell out with his mum over something years ago.

12. I went behind their backs and got with him anyway.

13. When I was 17 I lost my virginity to him.

14. And some months before saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression, social phobia & ptsd.

15. The prozac just made me feel worse.

16. Shortly before I turned 18, the man I love broke up with me.

17. 3 weeks later we got back together.

18. A month or so later he said he didn’t love me, sorry.

19. 2 weeks later I started University.

20. And here I am. Still depressed along with everything else, but coping.

21. And that’s all I can do.

22. My favourite colour is red & black together, or lime green and bright orange on their own.

23. I have a cat who I named after Postman Pat’s cat when I was little.

24. My favourite time of the day is bedtime. Not that I can always sleep but I have an excuse to be in my bed.

25. I am a vegetarian.

26. I hate salad.

27. I love chocolate.

28. And slices of bread and butter.

29.  I know I’m slim, but I feel I am fat.

30. What I know and what I feel are two different things. Fact.

31. But not many people understand it.

32. Like I know that people cannot read my mind, but I feel like they can.

33. I know they’re not looking at me but I feel like they are.

34. I play the electric guiter…badly.

35. I love Brand New, Nirvana, and Green Day.

36. I listen to all types of rock, punk & metal.

37. And some embarrassing stuff like the Mr Blobby Single from 1994.

38. I drink a lot of water.

39. I used to be seriously addicted to caffeine- 12 cups of black coffee every day.

40. Vodka makes me cry all night.

41. I drink it straight, but can’t drink too much,

42. Because I’m a lightweight.

43. I’m really into cuddly, chubby, caring men.

44. Why do the men I like always turn out to be alcoholics?

45. I love my iPod.

46. And The Sims 2.

47. I can’t use the bathroom if I think people can here me wee…even if they’re not in the actual bathroom. Even if I’m desperate.

48. It’s called Paruresis and seriously affects my life.

49. I love heinz tomato soup.

50. I want to be an author.