About Me
I’m anonymous. Except for my real-life nickname is weezy…and that’s all I’m going to say about that 
There have been times in my life when I’ve felt very happy. When my mum was still alive. When I would visit her side of the family after she passed away. That night I slept in the arms of the man I [still] love for the first time. It was the first time I truly from the bottom of my heart, loved a guy. It was the first time I’d slept in the same bed as a member of the opposite sex. It was the first time I felt protected. Like nothing could hurt me. And all the shit I’d been through just didn’t seem to matter anymore.
But most of the time, I’ve been very sad. When my mum died. When I suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of an unamed family member. When my father wouldn’t believe me when I told him, and smacked me repeatedly for lying. When my real mum’s mum, my nannie died. When I was 14, and I couldn’t take it anymore, and tried to kill myself for the first time. When my Dad has threatened, and tried to commit suicide on numerous occasions. When my older sister died. When the man I love told me that he didn’t have feelings for me anymore.
A while ago, I was told I had Moderate Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Moderate Social Phobia. They gave me some prozac. But it just made me feel worse. So I stopped taking it. Eventually, I couldn’t stand talking anymore, so I stopped the weekly sessions. Now I talk here. In written words.
Wow… I’m so sorry to hear about that. That is one of the sadest things I’ve heard. Just letting you know if I sound rude in any way I’m terribly sorry. I don’t mean too. People tell me when I’m typing on a computer I just sound mean and cruel. Like I said I don’t mean too. I can’t relate to anything you posted on here, so I don’t really know what to say. Well my grandfather died 2 years and 3 months ago. But to me he wasn’t just my grandfather, he was also my father. Because when I was a baby up until the age of 2 he was the only daddy I had. My parent’s left me. Then my mom met her hubby now. And they have been together for 13 years now and married 10. It wasn’t good when I was a little girl because what you father did to you momma’s new hubby did to me until i turn I think 10. then it all stopped. Well like I said I’m terribly sorry.
Cherokee
I just found your sight today but I plan to return. I stumbled open your post about Sims AL and feel in love with your writing. Your smart and down to earth. I can relate to a lot of the things you described and I can’t wait to hear you take on life. I also started blogging for therapeutic reasons and I have that is was better than any medicine I could ever take. Thank you so much for brave vunerablity, it is appreciated.
simcologist-
Thank you for you kind words and interest- It’s appreciated
i hate to sound ceritisizing but unfortunately i was driven to this by your blog and various writings, as someone who has fought hard and long to get out of depression, and has experienced more than enough self harm, i thought i would state my opinion on your situation. have you tried other medication? seeing other kinds of therapists? i know i didnt get along well with prozac (fluoxetine) very well either and i was moved onto another anti depressant at my request, after a couple tries i found Mirtazipine a very effective drug, as for a therapist there are thousands out there and not all of them are helpfull, you need to find one that you get on well with, that you feel comfortable and safe with, unfortunately it isnt always the first one you try, i dont really think a blog achieves anything much more than an outlet and is often seen as merely seeking the attention of others, i understand that this was probably not your intention and hope you feel better soon, i know personally how shit and alone a person can feel in that situation.
take care
Anonymousdude: Thanks for your comment…No, I haven’t tried any of that…although I probably should, at the moment I’m trying to deal with this naturally…Some days I don’t even get out of bed, and I find it difficult to commit to seeing a therapist at an allotted time every week, two weeks, whatever. There are a few more reasons, but I don’t want to bore you
No, attention seeking is not me at all…It’s an outlet, and I find that reading similar blogs help me feel that I’m not alone; there’s a nice little community of mental health bloggers on wordpress and such, and we’re here to support each-other. It helps me to be brutally honest about my life to total strangers because I keep so much from those around me, so you see, without ths blog I think I’d be in a worse off place. I want to be a writer, and they always say ‘write what you know’ so this is basically what I know
Anyway thanks for you advice/thoughts