Sometimes I Wish That The Morning Didn’t Come…

Especially this morning. I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up hot and sweaty. My face felt numb, my whole body ached, and my head felt like it was submerged in an entire ocean. Part of me doesn’t want to break into the stash of painkillers I have saved, just in case I decide to make an exit again, but I am in so much pain this morning, I don’t know how I can get through my shift without co-codamol by my side.

I turn 18 in two days. It’s supposed to be a time of celebration. But I’m still as depressed as a fucking…I don’t know…deflated balloon?

I found out at work yesterday that my glands are swollen. It’s painful and annoying, but it should pass within a week or so. Apparantly.

My ex’s best friend texted me yesterday, just to see if I was alright. He said that he even told him that he was mad for splitting up with me. I said I appreciated that a lot. I’m leaving in 2 weeks, and I can’t bear the thought of coming back to find my ex with another girl. I’m caught up in a fairytale that says I’ll go off to uni, and he’ll realise how much he needs me, and how stupid he’s been. He’ll beg me to come visit him and pledge his undying love for me, and then we’ll just take it from there…

It’s a nice dream, n’est-ce pas?

~ by confessionsxofxaxteenagexrockxchick on July 16, 2008.