Saw The Ex Today
My dad threw a mug at the wall. The ex had already been texting me; just regular friendly chit-chat, and I asked him if I could come over just to get away from the rents. He said ok, and I spent a couple of hours with him. Nearly started crying again, but he actually held me for the first time since he broke up with me…usually, when I cuddle him these days he pulls away pretty quickly, but I guess today he realised my need for a cuddle, and he held me close like he used to and rubbed my back (bet you’re glad I said back lol).
There’s nothing in it though. He just still cares about me. He told me he’s been drinking every day since he got fired, and that worried me a bit. It’s really difficult for him to stop drinking. He gets depressed when he doesn’t drink.
His mum asked me if I was ok when she saw me. I think she could tell that I was lying. I don’t know whether he’s told her about me being suicidal or not, but I could see genuine concern in her eyes when she asked me how I was. I know I didn’t look to good. My hair wasn’t exactly greasy per se- I’d washed it the day before, but I’d been at work for 10 hours the previous day, with a hat on, and hadn’t washed it since…I’m actually going to take a shower in a minute…My makeup was rushed, and my ex told me I looked knackered. I just remembered I stayed up til 1am last night after a long day at work, which probably explains it…
He went out of the room to answer the phone and she asked me if I was going out with him again. I said no. She said she wouldn’t and he’s nothing special. I just sat there. Luckily she was lying on the sofa (hard day at work) on the other side of the room, and didn’t notice me trying not to cry. She asked me about uni and such. I really do think his mum is lovely…shame my parents fell out with her a few years ago and they haven’t spoken since…they used to be really good friends…long story I just won’t go into.
I told him I was going to go home, and was a bit worried about doing so, and he offerred to stand outside the house to check that everything was ok. I declined the offer. He isn’t allowed in my house, or to be seen by my parents because of the petty hating his mum thing, which sucks.
I was just about to leave when my dad called me and asked if we could talk privately somewhere, so he picked me up in the car up the road (me and my ex live 30 seconds apart) and me and dad sorted things out. We got home and finally he managed to coax my stepmum into compliance with trying not to argue for the next two weeks.
So now I’m waiting for the go ahead to take my shower and thinking about him. In some ways, he wasn’t the ideal boyfriend. He likes to go out every night with his friends and get drunk, and I’m really not that type. He tends to ignore me when his friends turn up (he’s really popular so there’s always people knocking on his door) but strangely enough he told some people who were planning to come over to piss off (he didn’t actually say it like that, but he said that to me) I don’t know if it was because I asked to come over and he was worried about me, but I appreciate the fact that for once we weren’t interrupted. I just love how protective and caring he can be. How he would hold me and everything would seem ok…
And I better stop there, because I am starting to get a bit emotional again…
He gave me a bit more clarification on the break up issue. He just feels too young to be in a serious relationship. My dad said that shows maturity (I finally told my dad that we were no longer together)…he doesn’t actually want to be with anyone at the moment, and he says that lately his feelings for people have just changed so quickly, and none of it is my fault.
He also told me off (in a nice way) because I kept saying sorry. I’m always saying sorry to people. He says I don’t need to.
Leave a Reply