Confession No. 1: I’m A Procrastinating Perfectionist

It’s half term right now. So most teenagers are out with their friends, working, or whatever.

Well I’ve been sitting around at home playing The Sims with my eleven year old sister.

Do I actually have a life? well yeah…sort of…

I mean, I have friends, a boyfriend, a job, and coursework that I was supposed to be getting done…Not to mention the room I should be sorting out, considering we’re moving house soon…

So I should have finished my coursework, and my English Essay, and I should have even got out of my pj’s today…have I? Noooo…And my room is a mess. It nearly always is. Which is incredibly weird because if I walk into someone else’s room and it’s a mess, I immediately start re-arranging their books into height order and all that. And picking up little tiny bits off of the floor. What is up with that? And yet, even though my own books are all arranged in height order, I can barely see my bedroom floor. Maybe it’s the stress of moving, I don’t know. Plus the coursework. Oh and I can’t see my boyfriend right now because our relationship is a secret from my parents, and he has college all week (we sixth formers get a half term).

If it wasn’t for my neurotic, controlling parents wanting to know what their 17 year old daughter is doing every second of the day, it wouldn’t be so bad. I mean come on! I’m 18 in July. Sometimes you need to know when to let go. So yeah, I am lonely, broke, hungry, and have excrutiating pain due to laidies problems right now…and I’m writing about it…on the internet…how sad!

Maybe I should tidy my room…and get my work done…but I have no motivation, and it takes me hours to do either task (probably the reason why I have absolutely no motivation…)

Maybe I should just…give up…and watch Jeff Dunham videos on youtube (who is, after all, a brilliant comedian/ventiloquist). Or maybe I should just play The Sims with my sister. Which, will make my eyes sore. Which, will also make me feel like I’m coming down off coke…

The Sims is actually something I reckon therapists could use with their patients. I mean, instead of having to sit through an hour of grueling questions from a shrink who just isn’t listening to you, and presumes he knows what you’re about to say (when he so totally doesn’t), you could just play The Sims, and he could watch. You can tell a lot about a person by how they play The Sims.

Take Gerard Way, he once said in an interview that he makes his Sims have “really boring mundane lives” and you know why? he’s a rockstar, he’s in a band, his life is exciting. It shows that he’d like to have a normal life sometimes (and what celebrity wouldn’t?).

Take my sister. She’s confident, and happy with her life, so her Sims end up starving to death because she’s so easygoing.

Then there’s me. Because I’m not satisfied with my life, my Sims have to get to the top of their career, have really neat, tidy houses that are symmetrical, have loads of friends, and all their needs satisfied. I guess it shows I’ve inherited some of that neurotic-obesessiveness from my parents.

So yeah. I put everything off, but everything I do has to be just right. Yes I’m sad. But this is a real person, and I’ve come to fear that real people, no matter how hard they try, can achieve perfection…and that realisation is probably what has left me with zero motivation…I can’t see the point in starting something that’s going to take me hours, because I strive for perfection, and that I’m still not going to be happy with when it’s done…

Someone help me…just not that shrink…he was a pain in the butt…

~ by confessionsxofxaxteenagexrockxchick on April 10, 2008.